


and that's it

by isleofapplepies



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Divorce, F/F, Fix-It, Gen, Getting Together, M/M, Nobody is Dead, Pining, Series Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 21:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1526183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isleofapplepies/pseuds/isleofapplepies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The truth is, a) Ted is not telling this story because he wants his kids to know how he and Tracy met, and b) Ted turns into a kleptomaniac when he gets near useless musical instruments. This is the story of how Barney eventually gets to ask Ted, "can you blow my whistle baby?".</p>
            </blockquote>





	and that's it

"No, I don't buy it. You're telling us this great story of how you met mom and yet she's barely in it," Penny says.

Next to her, Luke leans forward with his arms crossed. "Yeah, dad. We're not so easily manipulated," he says, curling his lip in disgust.

From across the room, Ted raises his eyebrows. "Manipulated?" he repeats in the high-pitched voice he unwittingly slips into when offended. "I am not-- What are you insinuating?" 

Luke and Penny give him an unimpressed gaze. Ted nearly shrinks behind his desk. He's seen Penny practice the Mosby Glare of Condescension (patent pending) in the mirror multiple times but had no idea Luke had inherited it as well. Or how menacing their combined force could be. He drops his gaze to the decorative paperwork on his table.  

"You're trying to make us see how important Aunt Robin is to you so we would not blame her for your and mom's failed marriage," explains Penny patiently while Luke shakes his head in disbelief. "So we'd just like you to know it's pointless."

"Kids," Ted starts to protest but Penny stops him before he can get any further. "It's pointless because there's no reason for it. We don't need to know your entire life story to understand. You mean well but dad, sometimes you really take your time getting to the point."

"Yeah," Luke scoffs and sinks deeper into the sofa. "No wonder it always took you so long to bag a chick."

"Watch your tongue, Luke, or--"

"The point is," Penny interrupts in a firm clear voice, "you have nothing to worry about, dad. We love you, and we love aunt Robin." She turns to get a family picture from the shelf behind her and takes a deep breath before looking at it. "The divorce was not how we pictured things would go with our family, but it happened. And it's been some time since the worst phase." She breaks off before turning her gaze up to her father. "Robin makes mum happy. We can see that now."

"They're a good couple," Luke nods.

Ted shrugs and a corner of his mouth curves in a slightly sad smile. "They really are." He reaches an open hand across the desk to Penny, gesturing for her to pass him the photo. "It's important that you know the whole story, kids. Robin has been a part of this family for a long time before we even met your mother. And it matters to all of us that we all stay a family. Although an odd one, I'll give you that."

"Dad, we've always known Robin was family," Penny says as she sits back down on the sofa. "She was our aunt before she was our mother's girlfriend. I know things haven't been easy since you broke up but this doesn't change. That's what _you_ told _us_. That we are always going to be a family."

"We made a pact, your mother and I," Ted mutters reluctantly. "When things started going bad between us we promised ourselves we'd do everything in our power to save the family. Even if it meant getting a divorce."

"See," Luke waves his hand at Ted. "We get that. Yeah, we were angry at first but we had to blame someone, y'know? It was either Robin or Uncle Barney."

"Who for the record is not completely off the hook yet," Penny says, raising a warning finger and exchanging grim glances with her brother. "His part in the case is yet to be thoroughly examined."

Ted laughs nervously. "Wait, Uncle Barney? Why'd'y-- Why would you blame Barney?"

Penny actually groans this time. Full on throws her head back against the sofa and lets out a sound conveying deep desperation.  "He's insufferable," she turns to Luke, who only replies, "Right?"

"Look kids, I know Barney can be a bit exhausting to deal with but I still don't see--"

"Not Uncle Barney! You! You're insufferable, dad!"

"And deliberately obtuse," says Penny.

"Hey!" Ted says. "That's it, you're grounded. Both of you."

Luke laughs at that. "Yeah, as though we did not just spend what feels like a decade under house arrest here with you."

"Fine," Ted says. "Super grounded it is. You know what super grounded means? Ask Marvin Eriksson, he's got stories to tell."

"No more stories, dad," says Penny and leans forward, her elbows on her knees. "While you were talking to us, did you even listen to yourself? Like, do you ever listen to what you're really saying?"

"Or what others are saying?" Luke adds.

"Well, let's be real here," Penny stops him. "It's more about what they're not saying."

"Aw yeah, that is true."

From across the study, his hands restlessly playing with an old Mosbius Designs pen, Ted studies his children's faces utter confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Barney," Penny and Luke say in unison, eyes wide.

"Oh, come on dad, _please_ ," Penny sighs when Ted just tilts his head to a side and continues watching them. "He's here all the time. And when he's not, he's trying to get you to come to him. I mean, it is pretty obvious."

"He's been trying to bond with us," Luke adds in a broken voice.

"Yeah," says Penny. "It was sweet at first, giving us money and taking us for trips but he's getting weirdly intense about planning our weekends together, and well, we'd really like some control over our lives back."

"Yeah," Ted laughs wistfully. "I'm familiar with that feeling."

The kids don't laugh. They stare expectantly. "Well?"

"Well?" Ted echoes back.

"Oh, for the love of God," Penny gets up from the couch and walks out of the room.

"Penny?" Ted shouts after her. "Pen, I did not say you could leave. Young lady, come back this instant, we are not finished here."

"Dad," Luke says from the couch.

Ted looks over at him. "Hm?"

"Go get him, dad," Luke grins and comes over to Ted's desk with his arm outstretched and waiting for a fist-bump.

Ted stares at him. Luke waits. Ted doesn't move. Next, Penny returns with her arms full of Ted's coat and the car keys in her hand. Ted looks from Luke to her and back.

"Wait, you mean--"

"Yes!"

"And you'd be okay with this? I mean, you said it yourself, he's here all the time."

Penny nods but is unable to resist an eye-roll. "Just go."

Luke clears his throat loudly and swings his gaze from Ted to his raised fist and back.

"Alright," Ted whispers and a slow smile unfurls across his mouth. Jumping up from the chair he fist-bumps Luke and grabs the coat and keys Penny is handing him. "Al _right_!" he says again, loud and with emphasis. "I _am_ going to get him."

He's nearly out of the door when he turns on his heel and runs back into his study. Reaching for his cell phone he looks up at the bewildered Penny and Luke and says, "But first I have an elaborate heist to plan. Or, you know, really just a loan. And a road-trip."

~*~

Several phone calls, an immeasurable amount of bickering, a bribe attempt and some fifty pee stops later, Ted is poured out of a car in front of Barney's building, and pushed forward by the sound of three drunk and one Tantrum-fuelled voice urging him to "go get some" and "fuck him, Ted, fuck him good" he runs into the building, taking the stairs three at a time.

When insistent knocking, or banging to be precise ("Heh. Banging."), drags the suit-jamas clad Barney out of the bed and to open the door that's clearly being abused by the Gestapo (seriously, who knocks this way?), he finds a breathless Ted Mosby on the other side.

"Ted," Barney says, taken aback. 

Ted beams at him, sweat sticking his hair to his forehead, and he pushes himself off the wall he used for support. "I just very nearly got away with stealing the Liberty Bell for you," he announces with unmistakable pride. "How's that for legen--!" 

Before the word is even out of his mouth Barney grabs Ted by the collar and pulls him into a kiss.

The two final syllables get lost and forgotten in that kiss, and in the many that follow. Ted never gets to finish that word, never remembers to breathe out the final "--dary" against Barney's lips. But that's okay. Because kids, the real legends are never truly finished. 


End file.
